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<title>he lives in daydreams with me by bonk_bees</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365197">he lives in daydreams with me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonk_bees/pseuds/bonk_bees'>bonk_bees</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other, i loved them but now fuck them, its a personal experience, this is an original work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:54:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonk_bees/pseuds/bonk_bees</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“it wouldn’t be the same happy i used to feel.”</p><p>a small story about someone who got too close and ended up being let go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

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<a name="section0001"><h2>he lives in daydreams with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is a personal story so feel free to ask questions if you’d like.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i thought. i really thought. i grew so attached and close and almost loved him. no not almost. i did. i did love him. and that’s probably why i cried. that’s probably why it hurt. and i hate myself for believing he did too. i truly do.</p><p>i don’t know why he left. he just did. and no matter all the consoling words i’ll get, i’ll still feel pain. because it’s the truth. maybe i chased him away, maybe he decided he was tired. i’ll never know the reason.<br/>
she said “what if he comes back?” and i got defensive. “if he comes back, i’ll be harsh. i’m not going to just let him back in.”</p><p>that’s what i want to believe again. that i’ll have this big strong wall against him. but to be honest? all he could say is “i’m sorry i left.” and i would be happy. but it wouldn’t be the same. that “happy”? it wouldn’t be the happy i used to feel.</p><p>that happy would have a lot of fear right behind it. the fear of “he can leave again.” or “he doesn’t want to be talking to you.” and that’s not my anxiety. that’s me talking.</p><p>i never prepared myself, so i guess that’s my fault. when i figured out he was gone, i cried. those tears came out swiftly. i couldn’t stop them, they just kept coming. </p><p>“he’s not worth it.”<br/>
“he sounds toxic, not gonna lie.”</p><p>that’s not what i want him to be known as. but that’s what he is. a toxic worthless piece of garbage that i kept in my pocket because i thought it had value.<br/>
he was a gem in my eyes. i don’t know what i was in his, but what it feels like is muddy water. something to be thrown away or used again when necessary.</p><p>i was probably wrong when i thought he cared. he didn’t say anything. even when i wanted to go, i stayed back for him. only because of him did i stay back. i swore to myself i wouldn’t do anything stupid. but look where i ended up.</p><p>there’s a small side of me with positive hopes. that he did it on impulse because he was in trouble. but the negative is bigger.</p>
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